“More insanity from our good friends, Tottenham Hotspur. My comments (IN ALL CAPS):

Spurs defend 33 per cent ticket price rise (AND ARE RED CARDED FOR A CLUMSY TACKLE)

Tottenham Hotspur chairman Daniel Levy has defended the club’s decision to hike up ticket prices by as much as a third for next season. (THAT’S THE FIRST TIME THEY’VE TRIED DEFENDING SOMETHING ALL YEAR)

“”Our future success must be built upon solid foundations (SUCH AS THE HARD EARNED CASH OF OUR DELUSION SUPPORTERS),”" said Levy, who this month announced new sponsorship and kit deals totalling ?20 million.

The ticket price rise means the most expensive seat at White Hart Lane will cost ?1,200, nearly ?400 more than the present campaign and the equivalent of around ?67 a game. (THAT’S ABOUT ?66.95 MORE THAN THEY ARE WORTH)

Increases range from four per cent, or double the rate of UK inflation, to 20 per cent (OR ABOUT THE AMOUNT OF GAMES SPURS WILL WIN NEXT SEASON) in other areas of the ground.

“”We want to continue to serve the needs of the club (CHAIRMAN) for many years to come,”" Levy told the Evening Standard. “”Although the cost of most season tickets has increased, these still represent good value compared to match-day prices.”" (FOLKS, CPAP FOOTBALL IS CRAP FOOTBALL. IF THEY REALLY WANT TO SCREW THEIR FANS, THEY’LL GIVE THEM TWO TICKETS FOR THE PRICE OF ONE)

The controversial move comes as the collapse of ITV Digital has signalled troubled times for football finances (AND HOW EXACTLY DOES THE ITV DIGITAL COLLAPSE HURT SPURS?) – and Tottenham’s north London rivals Arsenal are one of a number of major clubs to warn they will cut costs in the summer. (AND WHAT DOES THAT HAVE TO DO WITH SPURS JACKING UP TICKET PRICES?)

Levy’s company Enic bought a majority stakes in Spurs last year in a deal which saw electronics tycoon Alan Sugar leave the club. (LUCKY SUGAR)

Increased investment was promised but Glenn Hoddle has largely limited his spending, with the most expensive outlay being the ?8 million signing of Dean Richards. (MOSTLY BECAUSE NO DECENT PLAY WOULD BE CAUGHT DEAD PLAYING FOR SPURS)

Hoddle, though, promised a major overhaul in the summer following deals with kit manufacturer Kappa and new sponsor Thomson Holidays. (YEAH, THEY MAY FINISH AS HIGH AS SIXTH NEXT SEASON!)

The White Hart Lane outfit missed their chance to qualify for Europe this season when they lost the Worthington Cup to Blackburn Rovers. (AND OH YEAH, PLAYED MEDIOCRE FOOTBALL IN THE LEAGUE FOR 38 GAMES)

Levy should be embarrassed. Spurs ownership sign ?20 million in sponsorship deals and THEN raise ticket prices to boot. I actually feel sorry for the Spurs fans. Poor bastards. What exactly are they going to get for this increased ticket price? A bettor stadium experience next year? A significantly improved product on the pitch? Not bloody likely. They only people who will benefit from this are the people who run Spurs. “