Arsenal America

“Ah the pre-season tune up match. A time to put a beat down on a lesser opponent. That’s just what QPR did when they faced Spurs (MY COMMENTS IN ALL CAPS).

Spurs go down at Loftus Road

Glenn Hoddle has some serious thinking to do before the start of the Premiership season if Tottenham’s 3-2 defeat to Second Division Queen’s Park Rangers is anything to go by. (LIKE THINKING IF HE CAN GET OUT OF HIS CONTRACT).

Goals from Matthew Etherington and Ron Henry (HODDLE: “”I THOUGHT YOU SAID WE SIGNED THIERRY HENRY!”") could not hide the deficiencies of a lacklustre Spurs side missing some big names in the summer sunshine at Loftus Road. (LACKLUSTRE AND SPURS IN THE SAME SENTENCE? KIND OF REDUNDANT, ISN’T IT?)

All the incisive attacking play came from Ian Holloway’s outfit, who won the match with goals from Andy Thomson, Clarke Carlisle and Matthew Rose. (HOLLOWAY’S 7-YEAR OLD DAUGHTER, A SECOND HALF SUBSTITUTE ALSO SCORED BUT THE GOAL WAS RULED OFF-SIDE).

Spurs looked lightweight without Teddy Sheringham, Gustavo Poyet, Dean Richards and Darren Anderton (THOUGH THEY DID LOOK ABOUT 100 YEARS YOUNGER). There was no place for midfielder Tim Sherwood, who had publicly criticised the club’s ambition. (YES, ALSO PLAYERS SATISFIED WITH MEDIOCRITY WILL HAVE A PLACE IN THIS SQUAD!)

Sherwood is widely tipped to leave White Hart Lane (MUCH TO THE DELIGHT OF ONE TIM SHERWOOD) since the arrival of Jamie Redknapp, and he sat out the action with a hamstring injury. (YES, NOW THAT SPURS HAVE REDKNAPP, THEY ARE ALL SET IN THE INJURED PLAYER DEPT.)

Anderton also missed out after playing in the 2-1 win over Gillingham on Saturday amid rumours of a swap move involving Leeds’ Robbie Keane. (ANDERTON WAS UNABLE TO PLAY AS SEVERAL OTHER SPURS PLAYERS CLUNG TO HIS LEG PLEADING “”TAKE US WITH YOU!”")

By contrast Rangers manager Holloway selected a starting XI close to the one likely to start the Nationwide League season, including midfielder Marc Bircham, who joined the club from Millwall this summer. (HODDLE WAS SEEN AFTER THE GAME YELLING, “”NO FAIR, WE DIDN’T KNOW YOU WERE GOING TO USE THE SAME PLAYERS THAT HAVE BEEN TERRORIZING DIV. 2″”)

Spurs dominated the opening exchanges, with Steffen Iversen twice going close after slick moves (THEN THE TEAMS LINED UP FOR THE KICKOFF). But QPR took a 35th-minute lead through substitute Andy Thomson, who replaced Kevin Gallen on the half-hour mark. (WELL SPURS DID HOLD THOMSON IN CHECK FOR A GOOD FIVE MINUTES THEN)

Clarke Carlisle’s header beat the advancing Neil Sullivan in Tottenham’s goal, but Thomson slid in on the goal-line to claim the credit. (SURE, DEENSES ARE TOUGH IN DIV. 2 WHO KNOWS WHEN YOU’LL GET A CHANCE TO PLAY SPURS AGAIN)

And they were two goals up five minutes later when Carlisle rose to meet a Richard Langley corner unchallenged and beat Sullivan from six yards. (AT WHICH POINT HODDLE CONFERRED WITH THE REFS AND THEN INFORMED HIS TEAM THAT YOU COULD INDEED SCORE USING YOUR HEAD)

Spurs substitute Henry was denied on the goal-line with Digby beaten minutes later, before the impressive Etherington finally got Spurs on the scoresheet with a smart low shot from the edge of the area. (AT WHICH POINT THE GAME WAS STOPPED AS SPURS PLAYERS AND COACHES BROKE INTO RIOTOUS CELEBRATION)

But the home side struck back shortly afterwards through Matthew Rose after a slick one-two between substitute Wes Daly and Thomson. Tottenham looked lethargic in the blazing sun, (AGAIN DISPLAYING THEIR MIDSEASON FORM) playing their second match in two days, and Gary Doherty wasted a free header in front of an open goal to compound their frustration. But Henry grabbed a consolation goal late on to give Hoddle some hope in the young talent ready to break through at White Hart Lane. (THEIR IS INDEED GREAT FEAR AT WHITE HART LANE THAT THE TALENT WILL BREAK THROUGH, SO THEY’VE REINFORCED THE WALLS, VOWING NOT TO LET THEIR “”TALENTED”" PLAYERS ESCAPE TO ANOTHER CLUB)”