“Once is a fluke, twice is a coincidence, three times is a trend. Four times? Boys and girls, it?s time to do a little soul searching.

How could a team that a month ago would have beaten Pel?, Cruyff, Jesus and eight guys from the Real Madrid Hall of Fame, can?t now beat a team of kids that comes to school on the short bus? What the heck has happened here? Here?s my three cents:

Offense: Henry and Wiltord started the season on fire, now they couldn?t score in a whorehouse. It?s just the law of averages. They were both hot at the same time, now they are both cold. Unfortunately, so is Freddie and Dennis and ?

Midfield: I haven?t seen that many of our games this year, but I?m not sure we are getting ?stuck in? as much. I recently said, ?give me Freddie, SuperBob, Gilberto and Wiltord in midfield,? and I was quickly scolded that such a midfield would have little teeth defensively. Point well taken. Maybe we do need a bit of Ray Parlour (did I just say that?).

Defense: These guys just seem to be asleep at the wheel. Somebody needs to give them all a kick up the jacksy and tell them to concentrate. Somebody like, or I don?t know, maybe a Tony Adams? Ah, I think we see the problem. A lot of talent back there, but not a lot of steel. Listen, I?m not saying I want to meet Sol or Pascal in a dark alley, but recently it doesn?t seem like they are instilling much fear in opposing strikers.

Goalkeeper: Oh boy. Did Seaman just turn 63 years old? It?s like he?s aged in dog years over the last month. Slow of foot, slow reactions, just plain slow. This guy is dropping faster than Enron stock.

So, what?s the answer? What are you asking me for, I?m not Arsene Wenger. But I do know this ? we?ve gotten pretty lucky. We could lose three games in the first round of the Champs League as still go through. You wanna try that again in the second round? We lost two games on the trot in the Premiership, and are still comfortably in second place. You wanna try that in late-April? There?s still time, but now it?s becoming an uphill battle. Maybe Big Tone needs to drop by the locker room.

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