Arsenal America

Just prior to his resignation from the Office of Total Information Awareness, Admiral Poindexter stopped by G. Rex’s place to drop off some intercepted correspondence. Enjoy!

Mr. Eric Djemba-Djemba
c/o Manchester United FC
Manchester, England

Dear Mr Djemba-Djemba:

Thank you for greeting me so kindly when last we met in Cardiff. Your follow-through is most, uh, interesting. I, along with several of my colleagues, from various teams in the land, look forward to seeing you again in the near future.

Sincerely (no, not really),
-Sol Campbell

PS- Even though you’d prefer going by “Djemba”, I’m glad the MUFC marketing department kept your name’s hyphenated form, so as to make more money on lettering.

———-

Mr. Sol Campbell
Arsenal FC
Gillespie Rd, London

Dear Mr Campbell:

Thanks to a 0.35 second videotape sent to us by that Aussie fellow who happens to have shares in both BSkyB and Manchester United, we’ve decided to punish you severely. We are also looking into whether you tried flashing the referee after the aforementioned incident.

Sincerely (in a manner of speaking),
-The FA

PS- Where did the cleat marks on your upper thigh come from?

———-

Mr Sven-Goran Eriksson
Coach, English National Team
The Rubble That Once Was Wembley, London

Dear Coach:

Perhaps the FA is right. I’m going to anger management counselling, and won’t be available for National Team duty for a while.

Sincerely (in a manner of speaking),
-Sol Campbell

PS- These cleat marks really smart.

———-

To whom it may concern:

I’m lookin’ fer work. Gotta be near a boozer. Hmm, maybe Spurs. Aw, I need a light…

-Paul “Gazzo” Gazzoween

PS- Nah.

———-

ArsenalAmerica.com

Dear Rick:

I wept (with joy, really!) upon reading of your second anniversary. Congratulations, and keep up the good work.

-Miss Prunella Face

PS- Has anybody seen my pal, the evil Yevgheny, lately?