Arsenal America

Anybody else out there curious about the new ESPN show Playmakers ? an obvious and desperate attempt by ESPN to counter-program the ratings juggernaut that is Dream Team? We?re sure it?s just a coincidence that Playmakers will air at 9pm eastern on Tuesday nights, directly opposite Dream Team.

Playmakers looks eerily reminiscent of the painfully bad Ollie Stone flick, ?On Any Given Sunday?, which featured the theatrically challenged Jamie Foxx and Al Pacino playing the same character for the 37th time in a row. The problem with Playmakers is that it looks as though they are trying to do a drama like the West Wing when they should be trying to do a Soap Opera like Melrose Place. That?s the beauty of Dream Team, the show is campy and the actors know it and play their characters accordingly. That?s why Melrose, or for that matter WWE, works and shows like Felicity or Dawson?s Creek ultimately don?t. Of course they could always use the other key to cable ratings success: Absorbant, yellow and pourous cartoon characters. The NFL provides enough real drama with athletes doing drugs, committing adultery and other nefarious pursuits, a fictional depiction of said events isn?t going to move the needle for the Dreadful, we want wife-swapping amnesiacs with evil twin brothers.

Speaking of the NFL, is there a more irrelevant sports metric than a players ?40 time?? Why does it matter what a defensive lineman?s 40 time is? How often is he asked to run 40 yards in a game? You can make an argument for wide receivers and D-backs, but even then 40 time wouldn?t be at the top of the Dreadful?s list of relevant stats. How about, ?Ability to catch a pass? or ?skill at running routes?? Surely these are more integral to the success of a wide out than just his speed. Why don?t you ever here about a soccer player?s 40 time? Now there?s a sport where 40 time would be relevant. Other than the goalkeeper, just about every player runs several 40 yard dashes each game. You don?t hear about Henry?s 40 time because it?s stupid and no one cares. Just another example of how American sports are simplified and broken down into meaningless minutia because the average fan doesn?t want to try and analyze his sport by subjective categories like flair or vision.

The PD doesn?t like the way the Arsenal are now moaning about how the FA are out to get them. While the FA may be meting out harsh punishment to Sol et. al. none of the incidents were fabricated by referees. Sol did swing his arm back towards Solskjaer, he did kick out at Djemba Djemba. He did whack that Everton player. Perhaps the team should review the meaning of the term Persecution Complex.

With big points from Thierry Henry, Tim Stewart remained in first place in the Arsenal America Fantasy Football league. But rhe Dreadful gives the all-name team award to Avi H?s ?Girls Gone Wild? team.

We?ll wrap up this first edition of the Penny Dreadful with a shameless appeal. The PD is a big fan of Corinthians figures. You may know them as ProStars or the descriptive ?little big head guys.? We?re building a full game and are just one player short. It?s a World XI All-Star team vs. a Dutch XI All-Star team. Here are the squads:

World All-Stars:
Ronaldo, Shevchenko and Tore Andre Flo up front.
Ljungberg, Vieira, Petit and Pires in the middle.
Maldini, Adams and Baresi along the back with Seaman in goal
Manager: Wenger

Dutch All-Stars:
Jimmy-Floyd, Kluivert and DB10 on the attack.
van Basten, Seedorf, Davids and Overmars in midfield.
R. de Boer and Rijkaard along the back with van der Sar in goal
Manager: Gullit (Newcastle era)

So, as you can see I need one more Dutch defender for a full 11 v. 11. The Dreadful gladly accepts any and all donations.