Arsenal America

In yet another adventure, the ever-vigilant G. Rex fights the never-ending battle for Truth, Justice, and the ArsenalAmeica Way!

It was just another ordinary August day here in our Nation’s Capital - blazingly hot and and drippingly humid. I was counting beer bottle caps in the desk drawer of my private investigation firm’s office when she walked in. Tall, blond, and all dolled up. I’ll just call her “The Skirt.”

“Aren’t you a little warm in that wooly green dinosaur get-up?” she started.

“Liquid cooled, sweetheart,” I countered immediately. As if I hadn’t heard that question before. But maybe not from quite such a dame. With her around, though, I could sense that my temperature gauge was kicking in.

The Skirt didn’t say anything after that. Well, at least not in words. Before sashaying out of my office, she passed me a manila envelope with a note and a bunch of Presidential portraits, if you follow. Well, okay, Benjamin Franklin was never President.

After taking in the aroma of her Chanel No. 5 - it was enough to make the Pachyderm House at the National Zoo smell good - I read the note.

Minor North London club attempting to sign DC United’s up-and-comer Bobby Convey. End this.

I knew in a heartbeat this case was going to be a snap. A piece of cake. A walk in the park. In fact, I decided to go for a walk in the park.

I knew Miss Prunella Face would be following me. After all, it was her turn. The evil Yevgheny had duty last week. As I turned the corner next to a big glob of bronze that passes for modern sculpture these days, I casually dropped an envelope marked, “To: Wenger - Excellent Bobby Convey Scouting Report. EYES ONLY“

Well, Miss Face took the bait. She faxed that thing to Glenn Hoddle about two minutes quicker than you could cook a three-minute egg.

Of course, the scouting report simply read, “Not of the highest calibre and unable to make an immediate impact.” And, of course, Hoddle thought Convey was just the type of player the Sp*rs are always looking for. And, of course, he proudly showed the report to the Home Office.

And now Bobby, poor kid, is back at RFK. Which ain’t so bad. Considering what would have happened to him with one of those dorky chickens on his shirt.

-G. Rex

Will “The Skirt” re-appear in future adventures? What’s happened to Miss Face’s beloved Paul “Gazzo” Gazzoween? And what’s up with this Mickey Spillaine genre adventure?

Answers to these and more questions… as The Continuing Adventures continue!