Q: Did you hear that the British Post Office has just recalled their latest stamps?
A: Well, they had photos of Manchester United players on them - folk couldn’t figure out which side to spit on.
Q: What has Old Trafford on a Saturday afternoon at 4.45pm got in common with Wormwood Scrubs Prison?
A: They are both full of cockneys trying to get out.
Q: How many Man U fans does it take to pave up a driveway?
A: Depends how thin you slice them.
Q. What would you call a pregnant Man United fan?
A: A dope carrier.
Q. What do you call a Manchester United fan with half a brain?
A: Gifted.
Q: How many Man United fans does it take to change a light bulb?
A: 560,001. That is 1 to change it, 60,000 to say they’ve been changing it for years and 500,000 to buy the replica kit.
Q: What do Manchester fans use as birth control?
A: Their personalities.
Q: How many Man U supporters does it take to stop a moving Bus?
A: Never enough.
Q: What’s the difference between Alex Ferguson and God?
A: God doesn’t think he’s Alex Ferguson.
Q: What’s the difference between a dead dog in the road and a dead Man Utd. fan?
A: Skid marks in front of the dog.
Q: Why can’t you get a cup of tea at Old Trafford?
A: All the mugs are on the field and all the cups are at Highbury.
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