A couple of weeks ago I sat in the office trying to work out what game we could win the league. Birmingham at home, Portsmouth away more likely. Scum away was the dream option but I didn’t consider the collapse of ManUre and Chel$ki.
So, it’s the day of the game, I can’t sit still and it’s the hottest weekend of the year. Definite T-shirt and shorts weather. Me and most of the TBirds crew have decided to travel down to The Arsenal to watch the game rather than a local pub in Watford. To try and kill some time I go into the garden and tidy up some things. I’m digging a bigger, deeper pond for my koi carp.
I’ve finished what I’m doing, just putting the tools away and I step back onto two rusty nails that go right through my foot. Carol’s gone out and Bill, my youngest, is still sleeping. He eventually hears me calling, gets Carol and we go off the the local hospital. It’s 10.00am, no problem, I’ll still make the train at 1.00pm.
Five hours later, with a foot swelling by the minute, I’m released from hospital, doped up on very strong painkillers, antibiotics and a Tetnus jab. It’s 3.00pm. No time to get to The Arsenal so I decide to go to a nearer pub. I’m then told in no uncertain terms, “NO ALCOHOL”, bollocks.
I rush home, put the shirt on and tie a scarf to my crutches and get Carol to drop me off at the Unicorn. What do I find? A pub full of scum. Great, I can’t drink, I’m outnumbered and my foot f**king hurts, a lot.
Well, three minutes in I’m jumping up, crutchless, but there is no pain, I’m in heaven. I wave my crutch with the scarf flying and the abuse I got was unreal. The frustration was boiling up inside, even with a crutch I was close to clumping some of them.
At one point I struggled to the Gents and a scummer was in there, he had his back to me and was on the phone telling his mate “I’m in the Unicorn, there’s loads of Arsenal and of course I’ve fronted them, I’ve been giving it large.” I was very close to shouting, “there’s only four and one of us is on crutches” but f*ck him, he ain’t worth it. I’ll get him when I’m fit.
Well the pull of the alcohol was too strong, so after two bottles of Champagne we went home. It always happens to me, when Micheal Thomas scored the goal at Anfield in ‘89 I missed it cos I took my glasses off. Carol now knows that on important match days I’ll now lie in bed until it’s time to go.
We can say, with pride, we’ve won the league at Shite Fart Lane more times than they have.
Well I’m off work for the rest of the week, trying to get fit for Birmingham at home. No matter what, I’ll be there though, just have to leave TBirds a bit earlier.
KEEP THE FAITH. Love to you all
7 Responses to “It shouldn’t happen to a gooner”
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April 27th, 2004 at 7:50 am
Kelvin, I will always keep the faith!! Many years ago i discovered gardens were a dangerous place and even worse, work could be found there! If you ever feel that urge again, I recommened you lie down on the couch and sleep it off.
Thanks for being a memorable part to a great season!!
Bob
April 27th, 2004 at 8:27 am
Off to Highbury this Saturday myself, Kelvin. Leaving tomorrow for a week at The Kensington Close. Can’t wait to see T-Birds and, of course, the glorious pitch. If the bartender mentions that the dark-haired Yank with the crackin’ bird would like to buy one for the clumsy gardener with the gimp sticks, or something to that effect, that’ll be me. All the way from the Southern New Jersey shore!
Take it easy on the wheel, and perhaps we’ll see you there!
April 27th, 2004 at 10:10 am
Kelvin
Bad luck mate. I’m sure you’ll make up for it this weekend. I also had problems as Sunday turned into one of the worse work days I’ve had for ages. I spent the two hours before the game on the phone to work instead of getting psyched up for the game and then had several calls throughout it. When the final whistle blew I felt that I’d missed out on the whole thing. My plan now is to treat the remaining few games as a celebration and enjoy the few beers I should have had on Sunday.
April 27th, 2004 at 11:32 am
Now I know there’s going to be a crackin’ bird there, I’ll step up my training schedule. Is she a nurse?
Cheers.
April 27th, 2004 at 12:11 pm
That’s got to hurt. I don’t know if you remember I wrote a bit a few months ago about coming back for the Leicester game because I’d never missed and end of season Jamboree. Well I couldn’t resist. I’ll be back for (and) Leicester. I’ll try and get to T-Birds. But I usually start H&I. The White Swan, Tramshed. Barn etc.Got to pick my Ticket up from a mate at Cannons. So if I can see by then. I’ll try and pop in and make myself know.
April 27th, 2004 at 12:55 pm
Nice to know you are well and looking forward to the rest of the season.
Hey why didn’t you called the Totts to clean your garden for you. To be honest their season was over before X’max so instead of turning up at the shite heartless lane you could have used them..
A teams of losers and bunch of “FH’s” fans..
April 28th, 2004 at 6:04 am
I usually pop in the White Swan for breakfast about 10.30 before making my way to TBirds, get in contact nearer the time.