Lawrence Emanuel shares a laugh with us…
A Man Utd fan dies on match day and goes to heaven in his Man Utd shirt. He knocks on the old pearly gates and out walks St. Peter in a Arsenal scarf.
“Hello mate” says St. Peter, “I’m sorry, no Man Utd fans in heaven.”
“What?” exclaims the man, astonished.
“You heard, no Man Utd fans.”
“But, but, but, I’ve been a good man”, replies the Man Utd supporter.
“Oh really”, says St. Peter. “What have you done, then?”
“Well” said the guy, “Three weeks before I died, I gave 10 pounds to the starving children in Africa”.
“Oh” says St. Peter. “anything else?”
“Well, 2 weeks before I died I also gave 10 pounds to the homeless.”
“Hmmm. Anything else?”
“Yeah. A week before I died I gave 10 pounds to the Albanian orphans.”
“Okay”, said St. Peter, “You wait here a minute while I have a word with the governor.”
Ten minutes pass before St. Peter returns. He looks the bloke in the eye and says, “I’ve had a word with God and he agrees with me. Here’s your thirty quid back, now f*ck off”.
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June 7th, 2004 at 3:50 am
David Beckham and Gary Neville are at the England traiing camp and Becks says” What’s that you’ve got there Gary?” “It’s a thermos flask” he replies.
“What does it do?” says Becks. “Well it keeps hot things, hot and cold things cold.” “Amazing” says Becks” I want one for Victoria”
Becks arrives home proudly showing off his new purchase. “What’s that?” says Victoria. “It’s a thermos flask, it keeps hot things hot and cold things cold.”
“What have you got in David?” says Victoria. “Two cups of coffee and a choc ice” says David.