I just had to put this up, not to foster an excuses-making session or to give a…
ALEX FERGUSON has aimed a volley [wait, didn't they just kick Palace's a**? He couldn't be bored already!]* at Premiership referees by claiming his side have been victimised ever since their [mauling] victory over Arsenal [they can't even look at a slice of pizza without the urge to kick each other].
The Manchester United boss claims referees have stopped giving his side [preciously needed] penalties since they won a dodgy spot-kick against the Arsenal in October [raising speculation that his argument would have no basis if he didn't agree that Rooney dove].
He also thinks United could have cut the current nine-point gap on leaders Chelsea if they had [won more games] been awarded [their requisite five or six] penalties in a defeat at Portsmouth and goalless home draw with Manchester City.
Ferguson said: ?Right now we don?t seem to be getting a break. [Unless you count Ruud's calf, and my resolution to stop drinking.]
?We went [slithered] to Portsmouth and there was no way that we would get anything from the referee after the Arsenal game [so we had to play football].
?If you think [whine] about the penalty kick they were given and the two that were turned down when we played City, they got a very, very soft penalty [Is this called penalty-envy?].
?So we are suffering [right where we belong on the table] because of that. We?ve been penalised for beating [half to death] Arsenal, there is no question about [the fact that we did] that.
?But we?ve just got to [accept] bite the [truth] bullet and move on. It won?t always be that way because your luck [methods of cheating] changes.?
Thanks Sir Alex! You rock!
*Footnote of appreciation to worldfootballers.com and whomever does the parenthetical coments on here from time to time.
38 Responses to “Sir Alex Tries Stand-Up Comedy!”
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December 22nd, 2004 at 3:35 pm
What a load of utter bullsh**.
He has a job when he retires as an excuse-machine. No doubt about that. His team just needs to step up and play better football. United are exactly where they deserve to be, and they’ll stay there unless they start being alot more consistent. I actually hope they play better, and it would be nice to see them take a point or 3 against Chelsea, helping US for once.
December 22nd, 2004 at 4:13 pm
He always has something to whine about, bloody cheats. Look how clean our game with Chelsea was?. I’m not sure if I’d want to see them beat the Blues. Nothing makes my week like having ManU get beat, not even an Arsenal win - kinda gotten used to that. But yeah, no need to bite the nose to spite the face. Bunch of losers!
December 22nd, 2004 at 4:17 pm
I’m going to have to prepare a series of cleansing rituals for after the Chelsea/ManU match, as I believe secretly rooting for the Mancs causes a nasty genital rash in the shape of Wayne Rooney’s head.
Gotta love the old goat, though, huh? The EPL would be dreadfully boring without he, Wenger and Mourinho’s antics. They say players take on the personality of their coach. Poor, bastards.
December 22nd, 2004 at 4:30 pm
I seem to recall a dodgy penalty being awarded against Palace, when Darren Fletcher was brought down by the mysterious fifth force physicists have been seeking for decades.
December 22nd, 2004 at 4:55 pm
Folks… you have to be KIDDING if you aren’t rooting for United to take points off Chelsea! Where else do you see Chelsea dropping points?
And… there is the added bonus of watching United kick the hell out of the Chelsea players. That IS the favorite tactic of SirAlex… when he faces a better team of superior players. I hope his team inflicts wounds and damage AND takes points off Chelski… and then Moron-ho will be in an UPROAR and he and SAF can square off in the media with their barrage of idiotic commentary.
Sounds like a win-win situation.
December 22nd, 2004 at 5:00 pm
The week that “might” determine the Premiership title…
APRIL 16 Man.Utd v. Chelsea
APRIL 20 Chelsea v. Arsenal
Scott Parker broke a bone in his foot, and will be out of action indefinitely… now Chelsea only have 3 players at EVERY position… they’ll likely look to buy a few more midfielders to keep the seats warm on the bench.
December 22nd, 2004 at 5:18 pm
Stag, i like what u said “where else did you see Chelsea dropping points…” That’s exactly a point i have been trying to make the past few months - i feel that Chelsea is a legit threat to our champoinship hope this season not because i like them, but the FACT that they have been more CONSISTENT and solid than either us or Man Utd [so far at least]. And as u pointed out - they have depth in every position, plus the unlimited $$ in their bank [heard that they are trying to buy Joaquin during the January transfer window..], forget what United players and manager been suggesting they COULD STILL TURN THE TIDE, because they DID IT BEFORE… yeah sure, it looks to me the Red Devils are living in the past.
As far as I’m concerned, it would be a MASSIVE achievement for us to catch up and beat Chelsea to the title with this FIVE POINT gap. Believe me folks, the years a second place team could overturn a 12 point gap probably are over… not with the $$$$$ army they got down there in the Stamford Bridge.
December 22nd, 2004 at 6:09 pm
All I know is if they get awarded a penalty their next game I’ll be even more pissed than usual.
“We?ve been penalised for beating Arsenal..”
Almost Fergie, you’ve been penalized for cheating against the Arsenal, and yes you deserve it.
December 22nd, 2004 at 6:13 pm
Good post ScottyUSA! At least it got me over a difficult day with my client
Sounds like Fergie is already throwing in the towel with all those excuses. Serves him right for an anti-football gameplan to kick Arsenal off the park than to try and match us fair and square. That game should be in the refs’ training manual on how to catch cheats like van horseface, diver Rooney and the dirty Neville sisters.
This is karma at work, man - what goes around comes around. Manure is going to end this season with fu***** nothing to show - and it will all be the refs’ fault - wahahaha!!
December 22nd, 2004 at 7:11 pm
We didn’t expect them to lose to City, did we?
December 22nd, 2004 at 8:10 pm
Scotty - great post!
To side track a bit - Andez and other folks who think Chelski are fantastic - you may be only partly right. In my opinion, they have a good defence and goalkeeper. That’s about it. Their mid-field could be dominated (by us - we already showed it even without our dominant Pat, Everton, Manure if Roy Keane is upto it and a few other teams) and their strike force could be nullified if we teams had half decent defences. Their strike force is just average compared to better teams. Drogba is good in air but crap when it comes to first touch and Robben and Duff are okay.
Arsenal should’ve beaten them easily if they had their defence reasonably organised. They never threatened from open play except for one good run by Robben. But 9 out of 10 times, he couldn’t have scored from that angle and Ashley should’ve done better. Their strike force don’t have the telepathy & understanding Henry, Pires, Pat and Dennis have, which only comes after being together for years. And of course they don’t have our superior skills too. We should’ve easily put another couple of goals in the 2nd half, and could’ve, if our players had removed Chelski’s amazing stats about Roman, his billions, Mourinho’s arrogance, only 6 goals conceded etc. from their minds.
You see, my point is that football, like any other game, is played mentally more than in the pitch. My theory is, if Arsene could’ve borrowed the memory erasing device which Tommy Lee Jones uses in the movie “Men in Black” and erased the last 2 years of Chelski’s off-the-field history, and let them loose in the field, we could have won the game like we always used to do against Chelsea. The transformation of Chelsea to Chelski is proving to be the fear factor for most teams.
Arsenal should’ve beaten them and shown the rest of the EPL that it is no great wonder to put 2 or 3 goals in the back of Chelski’s net. Anyway, if Frank can prepare Barca mentally, I believe the CL game between them will be a no-contest one.
PS - Having said all these, I always thought Mourinho was a good football strategist. With him around they could do something significant in years to come.
December 22nd, 2004 at 8:25 pm
Andez, while I truly believe our best 11 are better than their best 11…. AND that we DEFINITELY can overturn the 5 point gap, with a win at Chelsea of course… I don’t see them going into a big slide. I believe Chelsea will lose 2 or 3 more matches this season, and draw 3 or 4 as well. But that doesn’t leave much room for error for the Arsenal, and NO ROOM for error for United. United would pretty much need to win almost all their matches!
We can definitely catch them. But we have to be in excellent form and very consistent… all the way thru. I BELIEVE. 5 points is not alot…. it just can grow into 8 then 10 … etc.
December 22nd, 2004 at 8:32 pm
Green… I don’t think Chelsea are a fantastic team at all! I have been saying that for weeks, and we had folks on here predicting they would beat us 4-0! Bloody Hell!
They are beatable. We should have beaten them. And I think at the end, we will catch them. That week in April when they play United then Arsenal will tell all.
Moron-ho wished for Barcelona. Be careful what you wish for. I don’t think Chelsea are going to get by Barcelona… and either way, one good team is going to be OUT. Out of our way!!
Good Luck!! They better hope Ronaldinho is injured!
December 22nd, 2004 at 9:03 pm
Stag, finally we agree on something. You were also spot on with your earlier reply. This season is tough. Chelski will be beaten maybe twice or thrice and could draw a couple. I may say that opposition teams should treat them like any other EPL team and should be mentally prepared. But I doubt 15 other teams could do that. If they keep producing 4-0 wins, most teams will lose the match before they kick the ball.
Hence the crucial matches for them will the one against Manure and us. And maybe Everton, Bolton & Boro and some banana skins like Portsmouth & Villa. That said if they are beaten in one game and if they mentally dip they could do a Arsenal-November run. If that happens it will be an easy ride for us to the title. If it does not, then it is going to be a very very exciting finish.
But in my opinion, we will win the EPL and CL this year. Don’t know how, but got absolute faith in that.
December 22nd, 2004 at 11:08 pm
“Arsenal winger Jermaine Pennant is on his way out of Highbury after being told he will not be offered a new contract. (Daily Mirror)”
If this is true it leaves a bad taste in my mouth…
December 23rd, 2004 at 1:12 am
This is the ScottyUS I know and love! High quality humor Scotty - its definately your forte. I’ve missed it in any significant quantity for some time now. I guess that November slide didn’t leave you in a joking mood, eh? Please keep it coming - though I suppose to some extent you need ammo from guys like Ferguson. You made my day though.
December 23rd, 2004 at 1:23 am
Even more quality Scotty, bravo. ManU makes me feel dirty too. My cleansing ritual involves the bulk purchase of cupie dolls, painting them red, sticking toothpicks in their head in imitation of horns, and then biting their heads off while imagining RVN tied to stakes with his legs in the pirahna infested Amazon river, and his torso on shore on top of a fire ant nest. I burn the headless cupie dolls and collect the ashes to smudge anti-Manc symbols on my body before every Arsenal game. I know its simplistic and inexpensive - but it makes me feel better.
December 23rd, 2004 at 1:30 am
Yeah, the other day I heard Morinho wants some backup players, so in the January transfer window they are going to pick up Ronaldinho, Gerrard, Cech - oh wait, they already have him, ummmm, Nedved, and Morientes. Take it as gospel, because my best friend’s best friends’ sister’s brother’s uncle works as a janitor in London. You saw it here first!
December 23rd, 2004 at 1:57 am
I said it at the beginning of the year. Manchester United “felt” like they were old news. Not dead and buried mind you, but a declining force. Chelsea laid the groundwork for this season last year with a much less dangerous manager than Morinho. They only strengthened from there, so only someone who willfully averted their eyes to a sight they did not want to see dismissed Chelsea.
You can come up with masses of reasons why Chelsea will fail - they haven’t won anything before, they will crumble under pressure at crunch time, they won’t gel as a squad, etc…
Trick Question: Who can argue with the tiny number of goals scored against them? Answer: Everyone who has had more scored against their own team.
I put it to you that our loss to Manchester United was more than the starting point of a run of bad form for Arsenal. It was a booster shot for a Chelsea squad who still felt a kind of distance between themselves and Arsenal. But they had already met and measured Manchester United, and they witnessed that bundle of inconsistency called Manchester United dismantle Arsenal 2-0. It doesn’t even matter how Manchester United accomplished that feat. All that mattered was that Arsenal were revealed as human. To quote from the movie Predator, “if it bleeds - we can kill it”. Chelsea saw Arsenal bleed. That closed the distance between Chelsea and us in the hearts and minds of Chelsea players. Remember, before the ManU game, Chelsea didn’t want to get too many points behind us before Christmas - thats from Morinho’s own mouth (a big one I’ll grant you). After Manu Chelsea have never looked back. Look at all the goals since then. Chelsea are for real. They have excellent prospects for silverware this year.
All that said, I believe as Stag and others do that Arsenal can haul them back in. 5 points is nowhere near too much. They have the pressure of the chased now, which means the sooner we can real back in 2 or 3 points, the more pressure we can put on them. I say that if we are within 3 points of them when we hit Stag’s golden week, we win the league. More, and we finish second.
Other predictions on league finishes:
1.) Arsenal or Chelsea
2.) Chelsea or Arsenal (see any psychology at work?
3.) Manchester United
4.) Middlesborough
5.) Liverpool
6.) Everton - they’ll be too tired to do better
December 23rd, 2004 at 8:31 am
Hmmm…you’re taking your chances there by being less than thorough, but maybe your soul has developed a stronger immune system over the years than mine. I’ll admit, I wouldn’t mind NOT having to flay my entire epidermis off and soaking it in goat’s milk. Maybe I’ll give yours a try.
December 23rd, 2004 at 8:39 am
I believe physicists are calling the mysterious force of which you speak “winertia”. No one knows exactly what it is, but it seems to manifest itself thusly:
Energy - Class / The Gravitational Pull of OT = Winertia.
Fascinating.
December 23rd, 2004 at 8:44 am
Good point. I’m holding out some hope that their form will drop a bit after beating up on some of the minnows in the league and they’ll lose the plot against a team like Pompey. They can’t keep it up forever, but I think they’ll keep it up longer than is wanted…
ewww…kind of felt like I was describing Fergie’s sex life there for sec.
December 23rd, 2004 at 8:50 am
Yes. ManU MUST win.
Erggghhhh…can’t…breathe…bile….rising…
One has to believe that we’re due some juicy controversy in the future that won’t involve us for a change. I think once the eyes are off The Arsenal for awhile, they’ll be able to concentrate once again on becoming a team that will write yet another chapter in footballing history.
My fantasy:
ManU and Chelsea are involved in a bloody, injury laden scuffle in the middle of the pitch during a 0-0 nail biter, and suddenly a flaming dirigible crashes atop the lot of them.
Fergie is killed trying to save his boyfriend Keane, but Mourinho escapes like he did during the celebrations at Porto last year…
…only to be hit by a lorry with AFC vanity plates while hailing a taxi.
December 23rd, 2004 at 8:55 am
Funny. Now let’s hope that Joaquin’s failed deal is a trend that continues.
The only way I can see the EPL resisting the sullying tactics of the billion-dollar Blues is by players resurrecting their souls and refusing to be lured to the warmest, most illustrious, personal form-killing bench in football history outside of Madrid.
And then maybe the EPL’s soul will be replenished with the likes of Boro and Everton scrapping their way to the top.
December 23rd, 2004 at 9:09 am
Nutshelled nicely. In fact, I got so caught up in us putting 2 in against them and salvaging a point that I didn’t take the time to recognize what a HUGE opporitunity we missed by not defending our set pieces well enough.
Had we won that one, who knows what damage would have been done to their psyche? Our chances of regaining the title could have been seriously increased.
The Year of the Set Piece…may our season not end with this as our lament.
December 23rd, 2004 at 9:13 am
Thanks, Ice.
Yeah, November was pretty bleak. But nothing like a plump, Fergie morsel to get the juices flowing. ‘Tis why I thanked him.
December 23rd, 2004 at 9:21 am
Me too, if its true. Still remember his and Bobby’s dual hatters at Southampton.
If it is fact, let’s hope he finds time to play like Jeffers has recently. To be honest, they both, in part, have had played a role in their stunted careers.
December 23rd, 2004 at 9:32 am
Sorry, I made a mistake. Its actually:
Energy - Class / The Gravitational SUCK of OT = Winertia
December 23rd, 2004 at 10:43 am
Pennant has been w/ us since about sixteen. He’ sArsenal through and through. he’s also very talented, and has never had a fair chance. Why are we letting him got to pursue this new Spanish player at Sevilla, an unknown quantity who may also tumble when he’s touched?
December 23rd, 2004 at 11:36 am
I dunno…Wenger’s got a thing for the Spanish, lately. Maybe he’s trying to make Reyes feel more at home. Cause if you ask me, I think much of his loss of form is due to the fact that he’s not settling in too well in London.
December 23rd, 2004 at 12:56 pm
Sorry GreenGunner, I DO NOT think Chelsea is FANTASTIC. Hell they are not. I just think they are difficult to beat.
December 23rd, 2004 at 12:59 pm
Yes Stag, as i stated i too feel five points are catchable. But falling behind 8 or 9 would be very difficult [like in Man U's situation].
December 23rd, 2004 at 1:30 pm
Forza Barca.
(And Happy Christmas to Gooners everywhere.)l
December 23rd, 2004 at 1:35 pm
He’s been here since when, January? He was at home earlier this season. He’s got Cesc & Manuel; Pires is half spanish and speaks it fluently. So does Senderos. His whole family is here.
December 23rd, 2004 at 6:14 pm
Don’t think this is true. Wenger said he will consider Pennant for the game against Fulham. If he is leaving, Wenger will not want to include him. A few months ago, Athletico Madrid came knocking on the door for Pennant and Wenger said no to them. Don’t see any reason to release him now.
December 23rd, 2004 at 6:19 pm
True. Maybe he’s just not adjusting well to English football. He’s got all the skills and he’s a nice kid, but that’s part of the problem…his shins have boot magnets in them. I can almost see him longing for the sunshine of Spain where his stems would be protected.
December 23rd, 2004 at 11:36 pm
Pennant SHOULD get a decent run of games. I definitely think he deserves his chance.
I think you are being unfair to Reyes. While I am happy that he is sitting on the bench recently, he has definitely shown HIS talent… he has fantastic skills and is still quite young. He should mature some, get physically AND mentally stronger… and adapt to the English game in the next year or 2… he could be a fantastic striker for the Arsenal. I would hesitate to write off Jose Antonio Reyes.
December 24th, 2004 at 12:44 am
I’m with you on this one. When Reyes is at his best Maradona comes to mind. Remember the community shield game? Then after the battering against ManU, his form collapses. It’s just so frustrating that he seems to be like the quiet kid at schools, who starts to speak up, gets yelled at and sinks back into his shell.
When is he going to emerge? Others deserve the same chance he is so generously receiving.