About a Boy – GET ME RE-WRITE!!!
November 3, 2004 | 2 Comments
On my couch, for the past several weeks, has sat a paperback copy of Nick Hornby’s “About a Boy.” I’ve been meaning to re-read it for some time. Not so much for the story in the book, but to learn more about writing. You can tell, when you look at a well-crafted work, what’s gone into it. The effort, the toil, the patience.
Then, last week, I was confronted with Jimmy Fallon at Fenway Park. There in the “cheap” (read: expensive) “seats” (Why was he, after all, stainding?) being interviewed on network television. All I could think of was those SNL sketches with Rachel Dratch about the moron high-schoolers obsessed with the Red Sox. “You’wha reee-tahd!” “Nowah, you’wha reee-tahd!”
Then, it hit me. He’s plugging “Fever Pitch!” Jimmy, you’re going the extra mile to plug a film that’s already in the can, but won’t be out for months! You’re the MAN!
It didn’t even occur to me that they were shooting the alternate ending to the movie. After all, nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition! Later, of course, after the Red Sox win, Jimmy’s swapping spit with Drew Barrymore on the emerald turf of Fenway Park. Eek, Jimmy, I hope you’ve had your shots.
There are several lessons to be learned here. First, let’s make certain that the Sp*rs don’t win another trophy for several decades longer than the Red Sox. Second, if Drew Barrymore wants to be your soul-mate, turn her down.
And, finally, when you option your book, don’t go to the Farrelly brothers. It’ll turn into “About a Girl.” Or, “How to Be Okay.” Or, “Medium Fidelity.”
Now, I’ll pick up the copy of “About a Boy.”
-G. Rex
DISCLAIMER: I went to college with Bobby Farrelly. He’s done some good work. I hope this is okay, too.
Important Info From Your Compliance Officer
September 30, 2004 | Leave a Comment
Deep in a shadowy alley lurk two figures, intent on scuppering ArsenalAmerica’s effort to become an officially recognized… Hey, wait a minute! I’m supposed to be writing this to you in “real life!”
Hi. I’m Charlie Kapp. You may know me better as “G. Rex,” the lovable enemy-fighting foe of such villains as the evil Yevgheny, Miss Prunella Face, and Paul “Gazzo” Gazzoween. But in real life, I’m a computer nerd, and an Arsenal fan since 1984. I am also, while you’ll still have me, Arsenal America’s Compliance Officer.
As Compliance Officer, it’s my job to make sure we’re obeying all the rules set out by AFC to obtain, and keep, status as an officially recognized supporters club. The rules are simple and usually obvious (we’re not official agents of the Club, we won’t make money doing this, we’ll have annual elections, etc.), but there are a lot of them. Perhaps most important, and what I’m working on now, is drawing up by-laws – which, of course, will incorporate many of the Club’s requirements. These will be presented to you for ratification in the coming weeks.
I’m excited to be involved in this effort for a number of reasons, foremost of which, I suppose, is simply the recognition itself. What you see here on this website is only a part of the tremendous work that Rick, Andrew, and others have put into Arsenal America. To have the Club’s recognition is kind of like when you’re in the away supporters’ section and the team members come over after the game and applaud back at you.
If you have any questions or comments, feel free to contact me – charlie “at” arsenalamerica.com. And I promise a new rollicking adventure of G. Rex, Miss Face, et al., will be up on the site in the near future. Just as soon as I get these pesky by-laws finished.
Your friend,
G. Rex
Ed. Note – And let me just add…
If you?re interested in helping us achieve greatness by becoming a due-paying, ?Premier? member, please visit www.arsenalamerica.com/members
Arrangements for the payment of dues have been made via a secure on-line process using PayPal.
The Great G. Rex Mail Train Rides Again!
April 24, 2004 | Leave a Comment
In a continuing effort to keep all Arsenal America readers up to date, G. Rex reaches his big, green, fuzzy (especially for a reptile) paw into the mountain of mail to answer selected questions…
Alright, the first one is from Alex “A-Rod” R., from The Bronx, New York. He writes:
Dear G. Rex:
I just moved recently and am having a difficult time adjusting to my new environs. Any advice?
Quizzically, A-Rod
A – if I may call you that, A – please give it a little time. I got this note last fall from this guy “Rio F.” who couldn’t figure out how to whizz in a plastic cup! Remain calm, all is well.
Humor: G. Rex Answers All Your Questions
March 25, 2004 | 2 Comments
Ed. Note – With impeccable timing, G. Rex returns to help break the tension of the nerve-wracking fortnight to come. Take it away G….
In a continuing effort to keep all Arsenal America readers up to date, G. Rex reaches his big, green, fuzzy (especially for a reptile) paw into the mountain of mail to answer selected questions…
Alright, the first one is from Martha S., from Westport, Connecticut – though she says she might soon be relocating to Danbury. She writes:
Dear G. Rex:
I might have some free time on my hands in the near future. Do you think I might be able to make some doilies that would match the Arsenal America flag? Or perhaps I could suggest some recipes that might make your springtime all the more festive?
Primly, Martha
An Adventuresome Continuation!
December 20, 2003 | Leave a Comment
When last we saw our heroes, G. Rex and a man simply known as “Secret Agent 85 ?,” they were disposing of an annoying lunch deliveryman, and pondering the true identity of that knockout of a dame, “the Skirt.” But unknown to them, strange events are unfolding just across town…
In a dark, dank saloon, a fetching young lass nurses her amaretto sour. Though rather attractive, it is clear this young lady is despondent, and deep in thought – as if she is pondering her next, desperate move. Five foot two, and in as blue a mood as the scarf around her neck, it is Miss Prunella Face, also known as “that crying chick from the Spursenfreude page on arsenalamerica.com.”
G. Rex Answers All Your Questions
December 3, 2003 | 1 Comment
In a continuing effort to keep all ArsenalAmerica readers up to date, G. Rex reaches his fuzzy green paw into the mountain of mail to answer selected questions…
Alright, the first one is actually an e-mail, from Bill and Melinda, from Redmond, Washington. They write:
Dear G. Rex:
My husband and I were wondering, is there any prerequisite for joining ArsenalAmerica? I mean, he's a little nerdy, and socially quite awkward. Is there any way to "fit in" with a crowd like yours?
-Bill and Melinda (just Melinda, really)
Well, Melinda, one of the cool things about ArsenalAmerica is that the only thing that’s required is that you have to like Arsenal. You don’t even have to live in America! Soccer doesn’t have to be your favorite sport; you don’t have to hate ManU or Spurs; you don’t even have to use terms like “boot,” “pitch,” or “putting a dent in the old onion bag.” Of course, convincing your husband to contribute a modest honorarium might help.
Frankie Pulls Duty in Drubbing of Wolves
December 3, 2003 | Leave a Comment
Okay, so it’s “only” a League Cup game. And it’s “only” the round of 16. And it’s “only” Wolverhampton Wanderers.
But our lad Frankie “The Missourian” Simek pulled duty for the full 90, as the kids (with a smattering of silverbacks) went out and did the job against Wolves in their Carling Cup game.
Who says we Yanks can only play GK? Go, Frank, GO!
-G. Rex
The Continuation of the Continuing Adventures!
September 25, 2003 | Leave a Comment
A new ally, and a new villain, make their debuts, as G. Rex fights the never-ending battle for Truth, Justice, and the ArsenalAmeica Way!
It was a Wednesday, as I recall. I had a colleague over, and had sent out for lunch. Yeah, you guessed it – pizza. Half pepperoni, half partially decomposed marsh grasses.
Spursenfreude… of the G. Rex Variety
August 30, 2003 | 2 Comments
In yet another adventure, the ever-vigilant G. Rex fights the never-ending battle for Truth, Justice, and the ArsenalAmeica Way!
It was just another ordinary August day here in our Nation’s Capital – blazingly hot and and drippingly humid. I was counting beer bottle caps in the desk drawer of my private investigation firm’s office when she walked in. Tall, blond, and all dolled up. I’ll just call her “The Skirt.”
“Aren’t you a little warm in that wooly green dinosaur get-up?” she started.
“Liquid cooled, sweetheart,” I countered immediately. As if I hadn’t heard that question before. But maybe not from quite such a dame. With her around, though, I could sense that my temperature gauge was kicking in.
In Praise O’ Razor!
August 27, 2003 | 7 Comments
G. Rex waxes poetic about the Ginger haired Pele of Romford…
Some folks like the fact you’re a Brit,
But I really do not give a whit,
From start or the bench,
And though you’re not French,
You have got the old Arsenal grit!
Not afraid to run through a bustle,
And always face up to a tussle,
Well, I do suppose,
Though you don’t know “Pete Rose,”
Over here, you’d be called “Charlie Hustle.”
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